I have delivered hundreds of pep talks in all areas of my life over the years. Some I had the chance to prepare for – with detailed notes and memes, famous quotes – some I was thrust into by the moment. But as I’ve honed the skill, I’ve learned a few things about delivering a successful pep talk to my families, to my athletes.

Start with the heart, move
in a focused direction.

Empathy seems like a buzzy word lately. I see it in social media, magazines – I hear them talk about it on ESPN. And I’ll tell you what, I’m here for it. What I’m not here for is the association of empathy and weakness. Empathy is relational, as in the better the relationship – the more empathy plays a factor in motivating. “I understand” coming from a trusted coach or mentor means more than “I’m sorry you’re in that difficult spot of facing what is perceived to be an unbeatable opponent” (literally, and figuratively) but rather “I have been where you are, and I have overcome.” Empathy isn’t weakness, it’s foresight that builds trust through relationships.

Speaking of foresight, a great pep talk lives in direction. Understandable detailed instructions that are geared toward the audience that is receiving it. Instructions dictated by the relationship that has been built and the care that has been developed. Pep talks need a call to action, an opportunity to rise up and conquer the unconquerable. Let’s use what we learned in practice to slay this dragon is a great example. Give specifics how they have been equipped for success.

This is our time. 
This is our moment.

I’ll never forget in Miracle (the movie) when Coach Brooks put this part into his pep talk to the USA players who were about to face the goliath that was the Russians. It wasn’t an accident. Pep talks need to be made personal. And the easiest way to do as such is to tell a story. What experience of yours can you offer to your players that helps them visualize success. Use your experiences, in the game or otherwise, to connect the dots. Move from emotion, to direction, to inspiration.

I spoke earlier about pep talks as a skill, and I think there is some truth to that. But I think what I really meant was pep talks are a connection via communicating and relationships. Pep talk greatness is about connection in a moment that leverages such into a successful outcome. Sometimes that’s on the scoreboard. Some times that’s in the heart. Good luck in both!